Well, after 3 hours from Hell, I started feeling better again.  I mean better like normal better.  At one point, we noticed that I was sitting nearly indian style, which is a position I haven't been able to accomplish in months.  No pain.

We don't want to jinx it, but Mama wonders if there was a nerve somehow tangled with the old stent, and now that it's gone, the pain is diminished with it!  Now, I'm also on more painkillers than before.  But I'm really feeling pretty good.

Mama came into the office with me this morning to help set up my new cubicle.  It's wonderful.  I have double glass looking out at Pike's Peak, and could stare at it for hours (but won't).  It's nice to have in my periphral vision.

My unit moved to the 4th floor yesterday, so I had to get unpacked today.

And now I nust actually work.  Just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling great again!

Went amazing!  Mama left me at 7:40, and the doctor came to talk to her at 8:20.  That's all the time it took.  And it went smoothly.  He said it couldn't have gone better.  YAY!  I'm home, and feeling fine. I'm supposed to not sign any legal documents today but I couldn't tell that I've been under anesthesia at all. 

So, that's that. It's over.  No worries for a year.  YAY!

The Urologist did like my bright blue toenails, though.  "WOAH, Those are some bright blue toes!!"  Everyone gets a kick out of the color that Mama's pedicurist picked out for me.

Well, it was OK 'til it wasn't.  Somehow, something either wore off, or I had some spasms or something. I got violently ill.  Violently.  And the pain in my right side was so intense I thought I was going to scream.

We called the on-call urologist, and he said to just try Tylenol, as that would be easier on my tummy.  We also got anti-nausea meds loaded.

And now, 3 hours later, I'm doing better.  The pain is under control with Tylenol, my pump is turned on, though at a lower rate.  And I'll survive this.

Mama is spending the night (she was headed home when I got so sick), and hopefully, tomorrow will be no big deal...

Well, several things have happened.  First, Aunt Sally left.  I was so glad to have her here this week.  She even stuck around a bit longer yesterday morning so that Paul could go to the Men's Breakfast at church.  That was really good for him.

On Friday, a cane was delivered to the house, so I have been able to get around a bit better.

I'm weary physically, but nothing like I expected to be after a week of chemo.  Today, the inside of my mouth is starting to feel kind of weird.  I'm a bit concerned that I'm getting mouth sores late from the 5-FU.  So, I think I'm not going to eat anything today.  Just drink water.  Maybe that will keep my mouth from getting too torn up.

Tomorrow, I'm having the stents in my ureters replaced.  I'm a bit nervous, although the urologist says it shouldn't be a big deal since it's a replacement rather than a new placement.  I'm worried that the new tumor will cause issues.  But I guess we'll see.  I'm also concerned a bit with pain management, but we'll see about that as well.  We saw the urologist on Thursday and he said that he would try very hard to not manipulate my left leg very much.  That he would move the right one as he needed to.

When they called from the hospital to get my medical history, the nurse on the other end of the line said that they would likely remove my pain patches and not replace them.  That doesn't make any sense to any of us.  But Dr. Huff is on call this weekend, and I need to call him to ask what to do if they DO remove my patches.  I'm thankful to have my mom there, since she can also be a bulldog for me and make them give me good pain meds.

Pat, one of the chemo nurses, kept my port accessed over the weekend so that tomorrow morning, at 6:00 am, all the OR nurses will have to do is hook me up.  No sticking and poking.  Once the procedure is done, I'll head to the chemo room to have the needle pulled and also to get my Nulasta shot.

This morning, Rohan climbed into bed with Paul and me and told us that he wanted to ask Jesus to live in his heart.  He is so innoscent of all of this world, and his little heart is so pure.  And yet, he wanted to be certain that Jesus was there.

In 2 Sundays, Colton wants to be baptized.  It is comforting to know that some day, all of my children will be in Heaven.  I haven't been able to go to church for nearly a month.  Start praying now that I will have the strength to be at church on baptism Sunday.  We meet in a school gym, so it's a special day that's set aside, not just something that happens whenever.  So I need to be strong enough to be there.

Last night, a friend from work and her husband came over for a bit.  It was nice to have them here.  And they brought dinner.  Paul and the kids were thrilled with that!  Kim and Alex don't have kids of their own, but they love kids, and immediately attached themselves to the boys.  It's nice to have more grown-ups who love my kids.

Meleia got home late from volleyball camp.  They shuffled the teams some, with Level 1 being varsity, Level 2 JV and Level 3 C-team.  But they had 2 level 3 teams.  She got moved to the team that didn't have any stars on it, and they didn't win a single match.  I felt awful for her, but she said that she played a lot of back row, and did get noticed by the C-team coach.  So I'm praying that she's able to make the team this year.  She enjoyed it even if they didn't win.  But she did say that her legs are completely worn out today!

OK, I need to get some work done.  I'm working some today so that I'm covered for tomorrow.  Mama and Daddy will be here with Ciera in a few hours, and Paul and the other kids are gone to church for the next couple of hours.  So it's quiet...

OH, and Mary... your baby moose is nearly done and he's the cutest thing I've ever seen.  I hope he ships well!

I'm really doing alright so far.  No schedule of what would be a good day v. a bad day yet.  I'm getting tired of going in every single day, but that's just life, I guess.  It's $250 for a week's treatment.

I'm tired when treatment is over.  We're struggling with pain control still.  But I'm going to be OK.  Dr. H keeps telling us that patients whose pain is under control live longer than those whose pain is NOT under control.  So we're trying to get my pain under control.

In the meantime, a Rufous hummingbird has set up residency on my new hummer feeder.  Selfish little thing.  Weighs 3 grams and yet scares all of the other hummers away from HIS feeder.  Dumb little bird.  He's pretty, but I'd like to see some Ruby-throats occasionally that aren't being run off from the feeder!!!

So far, no troubles.  They didn't have me take the Emend.  They didn't give me Aloxi.  Nothing major.  Just told me to take my phenergan if I need it.

However, he changed his mind and is doing the "Mayo Clinic" protocol, which includes doing a 5-FU infusion daily for a week, and then 3 weeks off.

So, today was day 1 of 5.  We'll see how I'm feeling by day 5!

Paul has gone to get the boys.  YAY!  And Aunt Sally is staying until Saturdaya.

Thanks, everyone for your amazing support and ongoing prayers.  My Aunt Sally was flying out this weekend to take care of me while I was post-chemo.  Now she's got a few days of the "normal" me, and then she'll get to see the "chemo me" on Monday.

The news that I shared on Thursday was like a kick in the gut.  Oh my...  But it's not the end.  Dr. H told me that he would be honest with me when the time came that we needed to stop trying to treat someting that isn't curable.  He did tell me that he was not going to be able to cure this (which I already knew).  But he really does want to keep fighting.  So that's what we're going to do...

I told him that I didn't feel like much of a fighter, but he told me that being on the regemin I was on proved I was a fighter.  That he wouldn't have put half of his patients on it... it would have killed them.  This next one will be eaiser on my system...  At least we hope so.

Ciera is going to the coolest b-day party tonight.  It's a red carpet premier party.  They are supposed to dress to the 9s, and do their hair, etc.  There will be a red carpet complete with Paparazzi leading the guests into the house.  I think it's going to be very very cool!

Paul and the girls got the new chicken coop finished and moved the chickens in yesterday.  They were up by the house, and I just got tired of it.  So the new coop is down by the workshop.  They have a lot more room to peck and roam, which is great!  Unfortunately, they had mites yesterday, so Paul and Meleia had to powder them down before putting them into their new house.  There is a wall that Paul will put in before winter to help block the snow.  They will be much happier come winter-time.

One of Paul's buddies invited him to go to a Sky Sox game last night, and he actually went!  He had a good time, too.  I'm so glad!

OK, I'm falling asleep.  Love to everyone!!

Hello All.

Well, I am home.  Have been for more than 4 hours.  Sent home early.  No chemo.

 Here’s what’s up so that you all can be praying and feel free to share as you see fit.  Dr. H and I had a long meeting this morning.  He pulled out my radiology report that compared my February scan to the scan I had while I was in the hospital last month.  What the new scan showed is that not only is my tumor not responding to the chemotherapy, but it has grown, in fact doubled in size.  When we were told that February was 9.7 cm and this one was 10 cm, that was only looking at one dimension.  The depth of the tumor is twice what it was in February.  There is also a new tumor.  It is partially necrotic, or dead, which doesn’t mean that chemo has taken care of it.  What that means is that it has tried to grow faster than it can feed itself.  So parts of it in the center have died of starvation.  But the new tumor is 3cm squared, and I have a bruise where that tumor is.  So the tumor may have ruptured.

Because this chemotherapy regimen has been so tough, he chose not to do any treatment today.  He says that he isn’t ready to give up, but that we need to start chunking through other chemo drugs to see if we can find one that will hold the cancer at bay.  Especially since the invasion into my bones has also doubled.  Thus the increase in pain.

SO, on Monday, I start weekly treatment with a drug called 5-FU. It is easier on the system than the combination of drugs that I have been on.  It only takes 2 hours to infuse, so as I stay on a 6 hour schedule, I will be able to work even on chemo days.  5-FU is given for 5 weeks then a 2 week break.  During that 2 week break, I will get another scan to see if the cancer is responding.

To answer some questions that will likely come up:

• Dr. H is calling up to the University of Colorado to see if they have a gynecological oncologist who might give him some more guidance on what to do.  
• Yes, they’re now certain that this is a recurrence of the cervical cancer that I had 7 years ago, as the chemo regimen that I have been on is the protocol for ovarian cancer, and has not shown any positive signs of killing the cancer. 
• If the scan in 5+ weeks shows growth, we move on to a chemo drug that is given in pill form.  I would take it every night for 3 weeks, then a week off. 
• Dr. H is not ready to give up.  He said that the drugs that he has had me on, he would not have given to half of his patients because they could not handle it. So the fact that I came through as well as I did is huge. 
• He has not given me a prognosis as far as how much time I have left.  At some point, he mentioned a year, but he said that it was just a number that he threw out there.  That only God knows how much time I have left, and He hasn’t let Dr. H in on the secret.  

So that’s where we’re at.  I’ve done a lot of crying today, and we had good friends and 2 pastors here when I got home to help me talk to Paul and the girls.

Much love to all of you.  Thank you for your prayers and for your support.  There are times that those are the only things outside of the love of Christ that are sustaining me.

My friend, Tracy, came over last night, and told me that I really did need to put on my compression garments over my swollen leg.  I know, deep down in my heart, that she's right...

BUT I HATE WEARING THEM!!!

Actually, what my hesitation always is is that I know that the first few hours that I have them on will hurt worse than not wearing them.  Because they're tight. Which, of course, is the point.  They're also hot and we don't have A/C.  I'm going to keep them on for the next 24 hours at least and see if it makes a difference.  And then after this chemo is over, and my 2 outpatient surgeries are over, I'll make an appointment with the lymphedema nurse again.

So, here are some treatment specifics for you to be praying over.  I have chemo tomorrow.  Friday, I see the Urologist who is going to replace the stents in my ureters on the 30th.  The weekend is just going to be bad.  My Aunt Sally is flying in from TN on Thursday and will be here until the following Wednesday.  I have outpatient surgery on the 30th to replace the stents, and then again on the 6th to replace my g-tube.  At some point in there I will be having another CT scan and then Dr. H and I will be having our big "where do we go next" conversation.

I need a break from treatment to try to recover some of my strength.  But, if we determine that the only reason my cancer hasn't grown is because of chemo, then I have a decision to make.  So if y'all could be praying over the outcome of this scan.  That God will have done some major work on the tumor and that it's smaller than it was when we scanned the last time I was in the hospital.  If it's the same size, it makes decision making harder, YK?

Also, I started having neuropathy in my fingers yesterday.  Which is a new side effect.  I've had it in my feet since we started chemo.  But my fingers are definitely new.  If you could pray that it's temporary, I'd appreciate it.

Have a happy Wednesday!  I get to go cuddle baby Hannah today.  I can't wait!

Well, I am still paying for the temper tantrum.  My leg swelled way up during it.  Then I went into the office on Friday, which always contributes to swelling because it's not elevated.  Then I went to Denver where "elevating it" means putting it on an ottoman, not up like in the bed or la-z-boy.  So I'm really swollen.  And in pain.  The kind of pain that causes my heartrate to race (it was around 130 last night) and just generally to feel icky.

But I had a fun weekend.  Saturday, my mom's friends came over and had a mini-Lemongrass party.  No foot soaks, just smelling everything and trying stuff.  We wound up with a $350 party!!  It was great!!  Then Mama took me for a pedicure.  It wound up being abbreviated because the neuropathy in my toes didn't allow for a normal one.  I just couldn't handle scrubbing or massage.  But it was nice.  Then we went over to her mall, where they still have a Disney Store.  I bought one thing for each family member (all Pirates themed) for either $5 or $7.50 on the clearance rack.  I'm going to pack them in my suitcase when we go to Disney and give them to them when we get down there.  I also got a purple beanie with Bambi (my favorite character) for $.50!  I have the sweater that matches it, but wearing them together would be overkill.  On our way out of the mall, Penney's was also having a sale, and I bought myself a cute sage green outfit with seersucker shorts.  I love it.  You should see the interesting pattern on my fat leg from the seersucker!

Sunday, we just relaxed in the morning and headed home.  My mom is way behind on her flex plan spending, so she and I went to Wal-mart and stocked up on every possible OTC medication that we could.  If you come to my house, you'll not want for any OTC med in existance!!!

I just threw the mother of all temper tantrums.  Seriously.  You'd have thought I was 3.  I was mad.  Mad about being an invalid.  Mad about hearing "you don't need to worry yourself with that..." Mad about hearing "You don't need to DO that..."  Mad that everyone thinks I can't do anything or SHOULDN'T do anything.

Except work.  Where I worked my first 8 hour day since cutting back to 6 hours.  I told Michael he had me for exactly 4 hours tomorrow.  No more.  He got too much of me today.  But there were too many deadlines.

So anyway, I got mad and decided to pack to go to Denver.  Paul is going to drive to meet his mom to get the girls and swap out the boys, and I can't be home alone, so I'm going to my parents'.  My mom's friends want to have a mini Lemongrass party, so I went digging for my kit (it was buried in the closet). I found it.  I lifted it out of the closet. I added the things that were scattered around the house.  I got my clothes together for Denver, though I wasn't sure at all what to pack.  At home I live in my jammies and loungewear.  Can I do that in Denver?  I went digging again in the closet and found a duffle bag to put my clothes, etc. in.

With each step, my stupid STUPID leg tightened up a little bit more.  By the time I was done, I couldn't walk anymore.  Which probably wasn't smart.  But mentally, it did a ton for me.  I did it MYSELF, THANK YOU!  I'm still out of breath.  My heart is still pounding (120 bpm).  My nose is stuffy and my eyes are burning from crying.  But I did it myself.

Since when did packing to go away for the weekend become such a huge accomplishment??  This is why I was mad.  Packing to go away for a weekend should be a non-event.

Oh well.  It's done.  I'm exhausted and in bed for the night.  I took Xanax to calm down the crying, so I'll be sleepy soon.

Paul and the boys are afraid of me... they left to go get dinner.  Actually, Colton is here in case I completely overdid it and killed myself, he could call 911.  But Paul told him to leave me alone unless I called him or collapsed and let me get it out of my system.  Smart man.

Here's how the day STARTED...

At 5:55 am, I woke up because someone or something was pulling on my tummy tube. It was Junior. I said his name, and he took off running, pulling over the IV pole and somehow getting out of the tubing that he had been tangled in.

Paul chased him to the laundry room and found that Junior had also left us a stinky present in the den. He cleaned that up, and saw one of Rohan's African clawed frogs hopping around the hallway. Threw him back in the aquarium. Came back to bed and he fell asleep for an hour. I drifted, but didn't sleep.

At about 7:00, I went to unhook my tummy tube to take my "empty stomach meds" and found that when Junior ran away, he disconnected me from the pump. So the g-tube essentially "threw up" all over the floor in one place while the pump continued to pump liquid nutrition into the carpet in one place for an hour.

Ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I've cleaned the g-tube with really really hot water. And threw away the bag and will prime a new one shortly.

That dog. I swear... he is so dumb! At least he's cute, I guess, huh?  And old.  He's got Dogheimer's Disease, but he has GOT to stop doing this stupid crap.  How did he even get out of the Laundry Room??